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Delusional (Paranoid) and Shopping 15 November 2007 It is rare, at least in the circles that I used to travel in, to find someone that is truly paranoid delusional. I have read case studies of such people, but had never had the dubious pleasure or opportunity to actually meet such a person and talk to him or her. There are actually different sub-categories of paranoid delusional - such as grandiose and persecution which make the "illness" all that much more interesting. And, to be honest, the correct term is delusional (paranoid). But, there is no need to split hairs on this one. This last Saturday morning I had the opportunity to sit down with our resident paranoid delusional for a bit of conversation. The conversation came about because I had to put a note on his door that I was hearing complaints from his students about his classes. I figured that it was best that I confront him with that fact before he had a second opportunity to go and tell the Dean of Foreign Studies that his students hated him because of the way that I teach my classes. See Letter 8. This confrontation style goes back to the age old practice of CYA - Cover Your Ass. At least with the note, I would have some form of verification that I had tried to deal with the situation between him and I. Saturday morning at 9:00 AM - an ungodly hour for a weekend - especially after Friday Night Happy Hour - I am awakened by a loud and persistent banging out in the hallway. Finally, it stops - only to start again about 30 seconds later - only closer to my door - as in directly on my door. I open my door and find a somewhat distressed looking Dave - the resident Paranoid Delusional. I found out later that he had been knocking on the door of my neighbor first. What is somewhat humorous about this is that PD Dave lives right next to me, and knows very well where I live. Instead, he went right past my apartment to the next apartment down. The teacher in that apartment opens the door, and PD Dave starts raving and ranting at him before he suddenly realized that the teacher is not me. The other teacher directed PD Dave to my apartment - bless his heart. I had related what his students had been telling me - and he wanted to dispute each and every issue. Ultimately, the biggest complaint was that he is spending too much time basically lecturing to the students rather than just letting them talk. He defended it all by stating that he needed to educate them about different things - like American culture - so that if they went to America, they would know what to expect. At that point, I had to stop him, and asked him: "Dave - how can you - a person who believes that the CIA is watching you all the time - possibly teach anyone about American culture?" No specific answer to that question - other than reaffirming that the CIA in fact was in total control of his life when he lived in America. Then he went on to a different tangent and stated: "I can never teach like you do. The students are afraid of me." "Ah-ha," I thought. "We are having a breakthrough!" So, naturally, I had to ask, "Why do you think your students hate you Dave?" "They hate me because I represent the CCP - Chinese Communist Party. They hate me because I hate America. The only reason that they like you is because you love America, and they like that because you represent the American propaganda that they have been fed all these years. I tell them the truth about America - that it is a fascist country." Now, I have to admit that I had to take a few moments to try to digest all of that. Somehow, I figured, this was all going to swing around to where I was to blame for his problems teaching. No sir. It ain't easy being me. Being as this was an early Saturday morning, I wasn't really in too much of a mood to have everything being blamed on me. So, I asked him why he believed that the CIA was interfering in his life. Turns out that the CIA became interested in him when he was in the 8th grade back in Ohio, because he was a born leader. He was in the Young Republicans and became the leader of the group in his school back then. That scared the government so they transferred one of the best CIA recruiters from New Jersey to Ohio just to work with young Dave. They were recruiting young Dave to be part of their propaganda arm to control the minds of America. Imagine that - our minds were at that point in time being controlled by a young boy in the 8th Grade someplace in Ohio! Suddenly, Dave fast forwarded and recounted how he had gone to law school in New York. He stated that he had passed the New York Bar Exam with a score of 99.9% but the CIA stepped in and took over the Bar Ethics Board and hauled him before them even before he got his license to practice law. They denied him his license to practice law because they knew that if he was a lawyer, the government would lose every case that he was involved in. Now, I must admit that I was a bit dismayed at that news. After all, I have been brought up before the Bar Association in two different states for the alleged unauthorized practice of law and the CIA never bothered to show up for my cases. I guess that I wasn't very important. (For the record, the charges were dropped in each state, I believe, simply because I refused to be intimidated by a bunch of lawyers.) PD Dave then launched into a tirade about how the police and CIA in America control everything - everything from what American's read to what they see on TV and in the movies. The CIA is there - looking out for America and quietly putting their propaganda into each and every newspaper and magazine article, television show and movie as well as telling publishers what they can and cannot publish in the form of books. Of course, he offered evidence that this was true - all anecdotal stories about himself and how the CIA controlled him when he was in the United States - and of course, are now controlling what he can and cannot do here in China. After a bit, I got tired of all his crap and decided that it was time for some reality based therapy. I simply told him that he was "paranoid delusional." Apparently he had heard this term applied to him before, as it seemed to piss him off a tad bit. He got up and said "fine. I'll teach the way that you teach but they will still hate me" and walked out the door slamming it behind him. To his credit - of sorts - I did note this week that he was making an effort at teaching the way that I teach. I can see why the students will hate him for it, but at least he is trying to be hated for who he is and not because he represents the Chinese Communist Party. It is a shame that PD Dave didn't decide to stay in America. It appears that the US Government may be addressing his condition. See: Is The Government Spying On Paranoid Schizophrenics Enough? Synopsis: Panelists discuss ways to care for the nation's paranoid schizophrenics, such as hiding cameras in their homes or audio transmitters in their ears. Shopping: Oh, I do hate to do that task. I try to keep that word out of my vocabulary as much as possible. Typically, rather than saying that I am going shopping, I will simply say that I am going to go and buy this or that. Shopping means that I am going to be doing a lot of looking - and that is something that I simply am not going to do. I know what I want. Plain and simple. I go and buy it. End of story. When one goes shopping that implicitly means that it is going to be an expensive proposition. Unfortunately, after putting it off as long as I could, I did finally accept the fact that I was going to have to go out shopping for a warm, winter jacket. Previous excuses for not going out and doing it were all based on the weather: It was raining. It was too cold to go out because I didn't have a decent jacket. It was too nice outside and a jacket wasn't needed yet. However, after freezing half to death all weekend, I knew that my excuses simply were not going to work. It was time to bite the bullet and go and spend that money. What I wanted was a goose down jacket. Shouldn't be too hard to find. I had seen them on the racks at Lotus - the local, and closest discount store to my apartment - something like a Wal-Mart. So, I waltzed into Lotus. like I knew what I was doing, and went right on over to the men's section on the second floor. There I was, surrounded by all different types of winter jackets, and I started to check them out. Suddenly, there were, not one, but two sales ladies hovering around me, trying to show me different jackets. First thing I figured I needed to do was figure out what size I would need - in Chinese sizes. I looked at an XXL. Too small. I looked at an XXXL - and tried it on. It fit - but it was a tight fit. Alas, my arms are a tad bit too long, and my chest is a bit too big. Suddenly, amongst a lot of giggles, outright laughter and chattering away in Chinese, I suddenly have 4 sales ladies running around bringing me different jackets to try on. They all laughed and smiled a lot every time that one XXXL didn't fit, and then all lit up like light bulbs when one was an almost fit. I glanced around and noticed that I had suddenly become the freak show of Lotus. All sorts of people - men and women - were just standing there watching, smiling, chattering away and laughing. Before I knew it, there were soon 6 ladies trying to help me find something - two of them other customers. I started feeling like the main attraction at a Barnum and Bailey Circus. Yet, the main thought going through my feeble mind was "what in the hell am I going to do if I can't find a jacket that fits me properly?" The answer came to me with Jacket # 31. It would stretch enough to fit - at least across my chest. The sleeves are a bit short - but the fabric does seem to give and stretch a bit when I move, so all is not lost. The jacket will serve somewhat of its intended purpose for now - but doubtful that it will be much relief for the colder weather that is expected. Of course, all of the ladies that had been trying to help me were pleased that they had finally found something that fit me. I do believe that I am going to begin searching for a warmer jacket in the very near future - before it is actually needed. The next step will be even braver than going shopping for clothes in Asia. That will be beginning the pursuit of a decent hair cut in China. Throughout Asia - no matter how much or little I spend on a hair cut, I am unable to get a decent one. I do not expect that it will be any different here in Nantong. The question then is quite simple: How long can I put off going out and actually sampling the offerings that are available? That's about it for this time around. I keep on hoping that something exciting will happen, but that doesn't seem too likely until the weather gets warmer. It hasn't been all that bad for the last couple of days - but no doubt, this is just the lull before the storm. I am willing to bet that tomorrow evening, as I start to head out for happy hour, it will get bloody cold, thus making a few extra beers essential for survival in cold weather. The Old Codger
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