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Guide Page
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Functioning Without Speaking Chinese
Some things must be committed to writing before the actual facts fade from one's mind. This is especially true if one suffers from Old Timer's Disease - or better known as CRS. Yesterday, after finishing the first installment, I ventured out with the sole intention of trying to locate a hotel that might give me a better rate since I am going to be in a hotel for about another week and a half or so. (Whilst I would like to get into the apartment at the University as quickly as possible, common sense tells me to hold off as long as I can so that I do not come under University scrutiny. Naturally, yet probably foolishly hoping, I fervently hoped that the hotels I visited would have English speaking staff at the front desk, or, if nothing else, hidden away someplace. Wishful thinking that was! Went to the hotel across the street from where I was staying. The best way to describe the events that transpired at the front desk was "animated."
Fortunately, at that point, I noticed over in a corner of the front desk a number of brochures which gave room rates. The rates were a bit cheaper than those at the hotel I was staying at, so I decided to continue with the inquiries. They had a standard room, which I knew would be a very basic, small room with a single - not double or king - bed at 360 Yuan.- much too small for me. They also had an Automatic mahjong room - ideal if one is with others and likes to gamble a bit. Decided to pass on that one as well. They also had a luxurious standard and a single room at 520 Yuan - so I decided to inquire about that room.
She went off and got on the telephone and called someone. She chattered away in Chinese for a few minutes. She then handed me the phone. The person on the other end spoke a bit better English and asked me what I wanted. I told her I wanted to stay for 1 or 2 weeks. I wanted to know if the was a discount. She told me "Yes, you can stay that long. Bye." I handed the phone back to the girl and she chattered away for a few more seconds. She then came back to me.
She got a calculator and punched in some numbers and showed me that it would be 2,700 Yuan for a week. I divided it by 7 and came up with 390 Yuan. $50 a night. Not too bad if the room was very nice. Better than the original $68 per night.
She got a calculator and punched We went back down to the front desk and I told her that I would take the room. She smiled very broadly and once again asked for my passport.
I must admit that I was feeling quite confident after the hotel encounter, so I decided that I would stop and try my communication skills at a restaurant. It is a bit amazing that everyplace that one looks there are Chinese restaurants! It is easy to think that one is in the largest China Town in the world - until one remembers that they are in China. Then, it really isn't all that amazing. I went to a Chinese restaurant (OK - a rather redundant statement there - need to get out of that habit...) across from what would be my new home for the next week or so. I walked in and was quickly greeted by a waitress and escorted to a table. I chose this particular restaurant because I figured that their menu would have pictures given that they had a large bill board type posting outside showing pictures of different meals that they offered. When the menu was brought to me my brand of logic proved to be correct. I sighed silently, and knew that this would be quite easy. I immediately went to the back of the menu to see what beer offerings they had knowing that if I ordered a beer the waitress would disappear for a bit to give me a chance to look through the menu. (It should be noted that in Asia, in general, when you are looking at the menu, the wait person will stand there - albeit patiently - waiting to take your order. It is easy to feel a bit pressured in that type of situation.) But alas, all the beer being offered was written in Chinese. I asked for Carlsburg. Got a blank stare. Asked for Heinekin. Another blank stare and a shake of the head. She finally said: "1 beer only." OK - I'll gamble. I nodded 'yes' and she went scuttling off. Since all the prices for the beer were listed at 10 Yuan I figured that if it wasn't all that good, it wouldn't break the budget. I quickly started looking through the menu. Before I knew it, she was back with the beer - and it was a big bottle of beer. I figured than that it would either be a terrible beer - or passable - but nothing all that special. The name of the beer was in English: BBoss - short for Big Boss. There I am looking at all the pictures and the waitress asks me what I want. "Meat? Fish?" I told her I would like some meat. "Beef?" "Pig?" "No fish?" Given the proximity of Nantong to the ocean, there is a lot of sea food here. Beats the regular fish that I simply refused to eat in Thailand. (Most of the fish that is eaten there seems to be bottom feeding fish...) However, I have also noticed so far that meals with vegetables are rather hard to find. I'm used to the Chinese meals I have had in other countries as well as the Chinese Buffets that I used to frequent back home - all of which had plenty of vegetables available. I have also figured out that one orders a number of different dishes here - not just one thing. There I am going through the menu, and the waitress is point to different things and saying "good" or "very good." Next thing I knew, I had three girls (all of them quite attractive) surrounding me and pointing to different things that they seemed to be sure that I would enjoy. I would like to think that they were all there surrounding me because I am so handsome and good looking (Oh Lord, it is had to be humble when you are perfect in every way...) and not because I was a foreigner. OK - a damned good looking foreigner at that. One of the pictures that I saw looked like BBQ ribs - one of my weaknesses. They noticed that I kept on going back to that picture, and they kept on forcefully turning the page back to other selections, and two of them kept on pointing to a beef dish - saying that it was good, very good. "You like. You like." Still, I was determined to try the ribs - or what I figured out to be the ribs. Turned out that they weren't ribs - but instead something like pork hocks - mostly skin and very little meat. I do believe that the next time I will listen to the recommendations no matter what I think might be better. I also ordered something that looked like vegetables - a big plate of them. Turned out to be primarily bean sprouts in a bit of a spicy sauce - but fortunately not a spicy as Thai would be. I realized quickly that I wouldn't be able to eat the pork hocks with chop sticks, so I did the next best thing and picked one up with both hands and started gnawing away at them. I was suddenly surrounded by two girls who began putting some plastic gloves on my hands. I was a bit embarrassed at that point but really, what more could someone expect from a foreigner? I finished the meal without any more incidents. The bean sprouts were 8 Yuan. The pork was 12 Yuan. The beer was 10 Yuan. Not a bad meal for 30 Yuan. (USD $4.00) So, today, I moved into the new hotel. This is the third hotel that I have stayed in here in China, and I must admit that with all three, I have been very impressed. Clean. Fresh. Plenty of hot water. Simply nothing that I can think of to complain about - which is going some for me. The current one, even though cheaper than the other two is, by all appearances now, the best of the three.
The items are interesting - but beyond that they are also highly entertaining - at least they appeal to my sense of humor. Most have a description of what the product is, and how to use it written in both Chinese and English. The "Chinglish" (Chinese-English) can be hilarious. Take for example the green package in the picture. Here is the Chinglish for it:
I do believe that we have some dandruff shampoo here, but then again, after reading the last six words, it just might be a hair removal product. After seeing all of the products offered in the bathrooms, I have reached the conclusion that the Chinese are not exactly sexually repressed. After all, a hotel wouldn't go out and purchase all the different types of items just for the foreign visitors, given that there seem to be so few of them here. Regardless - and I am confident that I will figure out if they are indeed repressed or not given time - (feeling a bit under the weather right now - have a bit of a head cold...) on the next page you can get the descriptions (and a couple pictures too!~) of the sexual items being offered. If you are uncomfortable with this particular topic - then feel free to by pass it. That's about all for this edition. More will be coming later, I am sure. Old Codger
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