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Moving day and other trivia 29 August 2007 When living in Asia, one must always remember that things are not the way they were back home. Everything is done a bit to dramatically different than what we recall. Sometimes the memories that we hold have enhanced themselves beyond what might have been total truth, but that is just nothing more than our fertile minds enjoying that age old trick of playing games upon the master. In Thailand, when things did not go as expected or planned, we would always justify those events in our minds by sighing a bit and saying: T.I.T. or This Is Thailand. Since arriving in China, I have had to create justifications by changing that saying to T.I.C. - This Is China. I have passed this wisdom on to some others already in my short stay here, and their stress level seems to have diminished quite a bit. The "others" I refer to are those who are working in the ship yards supervising the Chinese in the renovations of their ships. Most have also now resigned themselves to the fact that they are working with monkeys, but that is an entirely different subject which will be broached at a later time. Last Friday at 6:30 PM, I received a text message on my phone from my assistant that read:
A bit of a disappointment, as I had hoped to be able to move the next day, but then again, T.I.C. It meant another two nights in my hotel room (palatial hotel room in reflection now on Tuesday morning at 6:00 AM. Damn, I had forgotten that such a time even existed - or that people would actually be awake at that time - or even earlier as I discovered myself to be.) Monday morning arrived and I was awoken from a very nice blissful sleep at 10:30 AM by my assistant calling me on the phone. That was to advise me that I needed to be ready at 2:15 to go and have my picture taken for the University, presumably for my ID card or badge or whatever it will eventually be called. She would meet me at my hotel. Of course, my mind is not working at even one-tenth of its capacity, so I simply agreed to that meeting without second thought. A half hour later, give or take a bit - mostly give - it finally dawned on me that I was supposed to be moving into the apartment that afternoon, and that I assuredly would need to be checking out of the hotel by at least 1:00 PM. Naturally then, it would be more feasible for her to meet me at the University, and then go to have the photo taken, because assuredly, by that time, I would have been able to at least deposit my luggage in the new apartment. Unpacking and organizing could take place later. So, did I immediately call her and explain the situation to her? No. That is not the way that one does things in Asia. Back in the real world, that is what one would do, and everyone could then make the necessary changes to facilitate the needs that had arisen. In Asia it is necessary to wait until things are almost at the crisis stage. The reason for that is quite simple: If one takes or attempts to take action before then, the gravity of the situation will be totally lost and nothing will get done, other than what has subsequently been planned - in this case, meeting me at the hotel at 2:15 PM. Part of the reason for all of this is the continual and ever present communication gap between English and the native tongue. The other reason is that unless there is a crisis where someone must make a decision on the spot, no one will make a decision. Decision making is difficult for Asians in general, because by making a decision the individuals are "putting themselves on the spot, and a wrong decision could make them lose face or be embarrassed. Understanding this philosophy can make ones existence or life much easier whilst in Asia. So, I went about my business quite leisurely, though watching the time fairly closely as I knew what I must do had to be timed as precisely as possible. So, I took leisurely shower, checked my e-mail, packed everything up and went to the bank to exchange some money. Then, precisely at ten minutes to one, I called my assistant. I had initially thought about sending her a text advising here that there was a crisis - but decided against that as a text bearing crisis news can easily be ignored.
With that confirmation, I knew that it was now time to check out of the hotel. I only hoped that they would be able to complete the checking out process in 15 minutes before she arrived. After all, I had to look as pitiful as possible, standing there with my two large suitcases with no place to go. Luck was on my side, and by the time that she arrived at the hotel on her electric bicycle, I was standing outside in the front of the hotel with my two suitcases. She had that "crisis surprise look" - very similar to a deer's eyes being caught in the headlights - on her face when she saw poor, pitiful old me standing there. Now she would have to make a decision, or find someone that could or would make a decision. Deep inside me, all morning, I had known that I would not be moving into the apartment at a reasonable time. After all, T.I.C. This premonition proved to be true, as Maggie finally advised me after a bit of discussion that I could not move into the apartment until much later that afternoon. The reason was quite simple: The person that had the key to the apartment had gone to Shanghai and would not be back until around 3:15 PM. Without trying to sound too sarcastic, I mentioned to her that meant I probably wouldn't be getting into the apartment until about 5:30 or 6:00 then. She didn't respond to that statement, so I realized that she knew that I knew about China and "China time." Her first task was to try to decide what would be done with my luggage. She called someone and then told me that one of her colleagues (that is what they call each other here) would be bringing her car to the hotel and I could put my luggage in her car until I got into the apartment. Apparently then, her colleague, realizing that there was a possibility that she could have my luggage in her car until "who knows when" thus meaning that she would have to be available until "who knows when" called someone that could make a decision. That person then called Maggie back and they talked for a bit. It was then decided that my luggage would be left at the hotel reception until 3:00 when we would then take the school bus from the neighboring campus to the new campus. That was done, and off to have my picture taken. Then, back to the hotel, where I had a bit of lunch - and a bit more fun with the language barrier. Sometimes I just can't help myself. I figured that with Maggie there with me, she could act as my interpreter. So, I ordered a bowl of soup and a green garden salad. The menu advertises that with the salad one can have their "choice of dressing." Up until that time, all that I had ever been able to get was Thousand Island - which seems to be the main dressing available here in China. But, still, if there was a choice, I wanted to know about it. So, I asked Maggie to ask the waitress what the other dressing choices were. She had to look at the menu to see what I was talking about, and then asked the waitress. The waitress went and asked someone else, and came back with the answer that the "dressing" was tomatoes, carrots and cucumbers. After trying to explain to Maggie that was not dressing, and trying to explain different types of dressings, she finally admitted that she knew nothing about what I was talking about because she knew nothing about western food. End result: Thousand Island dressing. About a quarter to three, we headed over to the old campus to catch the school bus to the new campus - about a 15 minute ride. Maggie then introduced me to of of my colleagues, whom she said was a wonderful person and that he and I would get along great, another American named Dave. Nice enough person it seemed, probably early 60's. He had lived in a number of different states before coming to China about 4 years ago. So naturally, having met someone, I sat next to him on the bus to the new campus. In that short bus ride, Dave opened up to me and told me much of his life story. It was a bit of a rambling life story, one that was a bit hard to keep up with. It seems that he had previously been a lawyer, been in real estate and an author, having written a number of books that had been banned by the American government around the world. Back in the states the police, the FBI, the CIA and NSA has all been continually watching him and monitoring every move that he made. They were destined to silence him. When he started writing about George Bush and speaking out against the war in Iraq, they had stepped up their activities to silence him. At that point, somehow, China came to his rescue and invited him to come and live in China, and set him up with some influential Chinese man's daughter here in Nantong, whom he was supposed to marry - why I have no idea - but that was his story. Apparently, he had discovered the evolutionary link between the east and west which defied everything that the US Government wanted the world to believe, and had written about it. By the time that he reached that part of his story I had virtually turned him off, realizing that this man was a couple, three dozen bricks short of a full load. Paranoid delusional came to mind. This off the cuff diagnosis was later confirmed by another teacher who knew him - or perhaps more precisely, knew of him. This teacher started out by asking me if I had met him, to which I replied I had. "What do you think of him?" he asked. In one of my rare efforts to be diplomatic, I stated that I hadn't quite made up my mind yet. "Yeah. He is crazy - a total nut. No one wants to talk to him for more than 2 minutes. Every teacher in town avoids him." I was a bit relieved that it was not just me that thought he had "lost the plot." Thankfully, we arrived at the University before the plot got any thicker, and went through a quick orientation on the classes that we had been assigned. I still haven't quite figured all of that stuff out - but I have a few days to get it all figured out. Suffice to say, it is all much more complicated than it needs to be, in my opinion. And yes, of course, it is all in Chinese! That is one of the amazing things that I have discovered here in Asia. They hire native English speaking teachers, yet do not take the time, or make the effort to provide written information to the teachers in English. Finally, at 5:30 PM we were allowed to go to our apartments. In the uniquely Asian way, we were also told that we all were going to go to dinner together in a half an hour. This is common when Asians deal with foreigners: They are not provided advance information of what is planned for them. Instead, they are told at the last minute, and expected to adapt. Naturally, it is possible to decline an invitation made in this type of timely manner, and fortunately Paranoid and Delusional Dave declined the invitation. Another teacher, also declined, so it basically left all of the American teachers - four of us in total - going for the free feed. Once could perhaps make an inference or two from this about Americans, but I shall merely state that we are flexible and not willing to insult our hosts rather than saying that we will put up with anything for a free meal. Oh, what a meal it was! It was at, what I presume to be an expensive restaurant, as there was no formal dining room, but instead nothing but individual VIP rooms capable of seating anywhere from six to twenty people, all at the same table. In the center of the table was a large glass turn table, which signified that this would be a "communal dinner." At a communal dinner everything is ordered by one, two or three people, without consulting anyone else, and then every one picks and chooses in individual bites from each dish that is delivered. In all, there were probably 20 different dishes delivered to the table. Some things, as is typical in Asia, I had never seen; some things looked totally ghastly (do people really eat that?); and some things looked either familiar or vaguely familiar. Ultimately, it wasn't so much like eating a meal, but more like "grazing." Fortunately, the Dean of the Department (who joined us) is liberal, and a case of cold beer quickly appeared. Holding with Chinese tradition, the men drank beer - at least three large bottles each - and the women drank tea or Coke. Dinner lasted about two and a half hours - that much food and talk - and then we finally all headed back to the University, and for those of us who had anxiously been waiting to get into our apartments all afternoon, the first opportunity to "go home." And with that, amazingly so, began a whole new adventure, which is continued on the next page...
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